Learnings of a second time working mother

Anyone who has returned to work a second time after children, will know that it feels different to the first time. That 9 months plus leave time changes us all over again; it changes both parents but more so the mother, how can it not when you take such a significant break from your career and one which envelops possibly the greatest physical change a human endures? What I know this time is that the making the return a second time has made me more efficient, more confident, more successful, happier. Let me explain.

The first time around – oh the worry.

The worry about leaving your baby with someone else. The worry about how much milk they may or may not consume and whether they cry for you after their sleep, or whether they sleep at all, it tugs at the heart strings.

Not only was I worried about my first born while I worked, I worried about my work. I felt I couldn’t commit to my team with the same passion, that I wasn’t doing enough, that I was working to perhaps only 80% of my potential, that I was falling behind in my career. I compared my output post-children to my output pre-children. This is not a healthy comparison.

Contrast this with the second time around when the day starts something like this:

“Bye [insert child’s name]” *kiss head*, “bye [insert baby’s name]” *kiss head*. Remind carer the baby is to be given antibiotics at lunch time and perhaps a little more than the prescribed dose because you forgot at breakfast.

Run!

You run and you rejoice in the freedom the day ahead brings, the chance to be you and to have your identity back for a full 8 hours.

How does this translate in a work environment?

I’m lucky enough to have a great deal of flexibility and I really think this is critical for any parent. Parenting takes priority. Every time. It must, especially to those with no family close by (and that’s plenty of Australian parents).

So, if you don’t have flexibility, then find a job where you do. They doexist. Many of the larger engineering firms have much better processes and opportunities for parents than even five years ago and the smaller firms are simply more flexible even though they don’t advertise it.

The real difference however, is within. Nothing makes an employee more efficient than knowing they have limited time to achieve their objectives. Nothing makes you more confident than knowing that the day ahead, the working day, is free time, it’s the fun part, it’s a choice. You re-find your identity, people address you by your name rather than by whining ‘Mummy’ (as cute as that little voice is sometimes). No one cries at you about their plate being the wrong colour or needs their bum wiped, or bumps their head and needs a cuddle whilst you’re mid-wipe with the other child.

Second time around

There is a confidence knowing you’re strong within. You’re strong enough to nurture a pre-schooler and a baby. You worried about whether you could do it before the baby arrived didn’t you? But you did. Looking after multiple children – you can deal with anything your job throws at you after that. I face challenging situations all the time at work; recruitment is so very varied, fast paced and when you deal with people all day every day, it’s impossible to have everything work out how you had imagined. But yes, it’s so much easier than looking after a small child and a baby. If you can do the latter, you will blitz through the former.

The other confidence booster is knowing you can fix almost everything at work with a conversation. Tricky client? Talk to them. Colleague needs assistance? Talk to them. Candidate concerned whether they are making the right career decision? Talk to them. This isn’t my spiel about how it’s important for a mother to have a conversation with an adult instead of with their three-year-old. My preference would actually be zero conversation (do you know how many words a three-year-old girl powers through by 7:30am? At least a few thousand in our house). Point being, logic prevails in the workplace. You don’t realise the power of a logical, flowing conversation until you are without it for many months. Conversations at work lead to outcomes. That’s the difference and you don’t release the sheer satisfaction of tangible outcomes until child two.

My advice

Enjoy the goodbye cuddle with your child and then launch into your work environment with gusto. Know that your children will be fine. Know that they will enjoy their day with their friends. Know that they will be fed and that you don’t have to clean the floor afterwards. The rest will take care of itself. Don’t stress the small things like you did the first time around.

There’s so much opportunity for personal success at work.

…and if you’re happy at work, you’ll return home a better parent.

I welcome contact from anyone returning to work. I’m always happy to have a conversation about the options and what to expect given the current pace of the local engineering market. Contact information available on our contact page.